Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Pain and Saturation
As for today, Physics to me was better than usual...if I dare to say that. After that my mind was already saturated and I could not stuff much Human Geography into my mind. I also felt the pain of writing continuously for 2 hours. The side of my right hand's fifth finger, which is pressed onto the table when I write, became numb after about an hour and a half. I was unable to write properly as it gave me a numb and bruising feeling (it was purplish too) and it was 'eroded' by the friction, becoming a hard, smooth surface.
After tomorrow's 'test' I will acquire some sleep. After that, it will return to normal. Normal meaning studying as if there is to be a common test next week. That is just the beginning...
September...the month of DiViNE EViL. The pinnacle of suffering has yet to arrive.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I have to type all these things without a 't' and 'y' button (still). I've gotten so used to 'ctrl+V'-ing my letter 't's that even when I use a normal keyboard I automatically reach for 'ctrl+V' when I want to type a 't'. Additionally, the escape button, F1, F4, F6, F9, F11 and F12 buttons don't work. If it wasn't for the fact that this darn keyboard is stuck to the laptop, I wouldn't be using this piece of junk. Not to mention this computer's virtual memory space runs out faster than the time required for my desktop to boot up.
I can't remember exactly my initial purpose for posting, but tomorrow's my mathematics 'common test' a.k.a. EXAMINATION OF DOOM TO THROW YOU BACK TO J1. I cannot go back down anyway, having appealed to be in this Junior College in the first place. Now I still have some sort of grudge to the misnaming of this 'test' but somehow, lately, I have been losing it.
My temper, being held so low for so long, is upwelling like a LOLCAN-volcano (I can't do strikeouts). I fear, for I have adhered to oppose the powers of DiViNE EViL for so long, I will eventually succumb to it. However, I do know I'm not stressed out yet (like when I was before 'O'-levels'), because I remembered my eyelids kept twitching and I was on the verge of insanity after school.
I feel guilty that I do not have total control over myself, and face the repercussions after at the expense of my sanity.
There, I said it.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
For some reason I cannot do the questions that I usually can. As for those that I usually cannot, I feel like I was in an examination myself. I had the feeling of panic and indecisiveness. In those questions that require just a little twist, my brain becomes clogged and is unable to look at the big picture.
I have no idea why, though. Even if I'm better in that topic (Complex Numbers), there are always those questions that are slightly different that stump me. I have no...studying confidence. I am forced to like the subjects that I am studying, or it could have been worse. Looking at those that were my ex-classmates who received their 'A'-level results, achieving higher results seem doubtful, unless...my standard of myself is really higher. Must...not...aim...for...just-pass...these words must be burned into my mind.
But it is difficult. I would rather study Music any day...sit around even being forced to compose, I will have some sense of achievement. There is also, automatically, a higher expectation of yourself in the things that you like. Like how I was not really satisfied with my Op.1, yet I could not point out the discrepancy. The solution: start Op.2. Unfortunately, though I may have some motifs lingering around, I have no time to fork out to write them down.
As for this week, the sun has finally revealed itself from behind the clouds, after probably five consecutive days of rain. A big difference, really. I guess the world is really becoming more chaotic. The future is uncertain.
A sign of how bad the weather was: Somehow, some of the tiles in the living room started to...um...form fold mountains. I'm not exactly sure what is causing this phenomenon, but the tiles are sort of pushed against each other so that they rise slightly, leaving a triangular gap below. It is not very obvious...until you step on it. It becomes unstable and sounds hollow. Additionally, it seems like it will snap any minute, and that won't be pretty.
Ah, how examinations torture people. How weather tortures people. In the end, it is the people themselves that have given problems to their own fragile lives. How amazing the brain is, yet we do not make full use of it. That is because if we do, the results can be equally beneficial as disastrous.
Behold the power of DiViNE EViL, created by the mental aspects of humans.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I had to follow some schedule from 1530 hours onwards, to be sure I arrived at two locations at the correct times. Fortunately, the weather was relatively kind to me. Considering that it was raining in the afternoons for nearly the whole week, cycling to school would otherwise be a good idea. Just before I set off, it was raining heavily. However, when I exited my house, it stopped. So I took the chance and took my bicycle (my father's actually) and cycled to school.
Unfortunately, the ground was still quite wet, and it was still drizzling slightly. Unknown to me the water from the back wheel, due to great velocity (and circular motion involving centripetal force blah blah), would splash up all the way up to the seat, meaning to say, my bottom. So when I felt my bottom was wet obviously something was not right if I weren't the source of this wetness. Moreover, my white shirt which was covering my back got laden with not only sweat, rain, and mud, but gravel. WTF gravel!? So the source had to be the road, travelled via the wheel, then onto me.
I reached school for band practice and when I entered the room and closed the door the rain outside suddenly got heavier x5. Must be a wanton(1000kg cloud) over our heads (pardon Tay Yi style lameness). I had to leave by 1730, which was earlier than the band practice ended, but it was still raining then, albeit to a lesser extent. Since I sat closest to the door, whenever it looked like it had stopped raining, I rushed outside to check on the condition. Finally at about 1745, I just left. (Actually I did more than that but importance is minimal here)
So I cycled home and this time I did not care about the mud or gravel as I was going to go home and take a shower anyway. In the end when I took off my shirt the back of it was riddled with pale brown and grey spots. Without looking at it any longer I went to take a shower.
I then proceeded to take two buses to NUS(YST CoM) for a quartet concert. When I left the house, it was not raining, but it was when the bus reached near the PIE exit of Upper Bt. Timah Rd. I had to transfer to a sv.151 bus, which made me wait for over twenty minutes.
Again, somehow, when I reached my destination it was not raining. So I went to the concert. Actually not, as I was supposed to wait for Shi En who told me about this concert first, but she was late (tempted to laugh here). While waiting I saw my secondary school chemistry teacher Mr. Wang who said he was surprised that he could remember my name. I actually agreed with him too, condsidering the little impact I used to give in school. I waited for Shi En for half an hour after the concert started, in which the quartet already finished 4 movements of a piece (I stood outside and watched that 'television' there). In the end she arrived and we were still allowed in.
Afterwhich, I went home and fortunately, it was not raining. I went to read some Atomic Structure notes and went to sleep. Another day gone...and next week is the common test. I guess I require no more reminding.
It is raining again...
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
I live in a world full of EViL. People who do not understand the virtue of patience, humility, creativity, unselfishness, optimism, flexibility and the ability to tolerate anger.
Quote-The World of EViL/Creed of EViL, 2007
That is all.
Persuasion by Force
Now that passage, other than making me use one of those vocabulary words ('jaded'), rings true of what I actually not agreed with. As it explicitly stated in the first paragraph, the security in this modern age can virtually be bypassed by anything. Even what I'm typing right here right now, though no normal person will be bothered to see what I'm doing, there are always people interested to know. Defending of yourself from others prying into your life obviously needs some skills of deceiving. And deceiving skills I have developed over the years, (it is easier to express via typing) using them to gain money, time, and prevent oneself from entering a potentially fruitless event. But they can be exposed as easily as they were concealed, if there were some people who really bothered.
I can stand the jeers of defeat and defamation. The exposure to the power of DiViNE EViL has, after all, made me less human. There is still something I can't really stand though - sarcasm. Seriously, sarcastic people can't get their points across properly. Sarcastic people want to hide what they actually mean, and ask you to find it out for yourself. Unfortunately, being a person of a certain lame degree, sarcasm works on me like insults on Daniel. I will throw it back literally, laugh at me if you want, but you don't get the last laugh.
People want to imply a point across to you? Deny them what they desire. They aim to piss you? Appear nonplussed. Making it too obvious, however, makes yourself look more like a retard, so countering sarcasm takes experience. This aspect is one I have not remotely achieved yet, but I am ready to try.
Persuasion by force - Coercion. Another voculabury question linked to the passage. Elements of DiViNE EViL hidden in the passage? Positive. Use of intimidation to obtain compliance. Coercion can happen by implication. Think before you say 'oh I didn't actually scold you' after some 'coercion' because otherwise what you said would be useless.
Now stop your sarcastic innuendos and your kaleidoscope of insults implied indirectly and realise what others feel. I may not be able to follow my values to the death in being a hypocrite but that doesn't give you the right to follow what is wrong. Realise that.
Don't look back
Don't look back
It's a rip-off
Flick of the wrist and you're dead baby
Blow him a kiss and you're mad
Flick of the wrist - he'll eat your heart out
A dig in the ribs and then a kick in the head
He's taken an arm and taken a leg
All this time honey
Baby you've been had.
That just meant, I politely told you to stfu.