DiViNE EViL

Sometimes I have to ask myself am I that easily forgotten. Indeed, I did want to be forgotten in the past, and I partly regret it. I was content in being alone. But we all know how difficult the pain of solitude is to fathom. But the new decade is arriving, and we are forced to look only in one direction, with those looking the other lost in the past.

And so I leave the old one behind. The new decade is, for a fact, much more different than the last. My power only propelled me halfway through, till 2005, and it all went downhill from there. Is there any way now to restart the engine? There must be.

Looking back at the so called goals I planned on the first day this year, I can say I didn't really achieve much. Let us recapitulate:

-Compose at least one piece for piano (Progress: 20%)

I attempted, but that attempt only arrived in the second half of the year. And then I was better off reading books about composers and pianists rather than composing myself. Still some knowledge gained, but in the aspect of original material, not much progress was made.

-Stop being a semi-wuss (Progress: 50%)

This was probably the thing that I was thinking of the whole year. I have been reduced form semi-wuss to quarter-wuss. I think it's a good improvement, however I still need more control over certain situations that I still need to handle.

-Compose at least one piece for band/orchestra (Progress: 0%)

Obviously if I can't do one for piano I can't do one for band, much less orchestra. Didn't really progress much in terms of music diversity this year, I must say.

-Learn to Drive (Progress: 10%)

So far, still doing theory lessons but it is quite hard to find time for this. I have to squeeze lessons at night...which so far I haven't done yet. All I did was go for a couple during my leave.

-Obtain Piano ATCL diploma (Progress: 30%)

By resuming lessons, I've been building up a repetoire again, but I still feel noobish, and stuck at an invisible level between Grade 8 and Diploma. Why is this so...

-Attend Nightclasses to learn something Optional (Progress: 0%)

I'm not given stay-out in my camp, so this is to be ruled out.

-Positively determining to do something (Progress:?)

I'm really confused in this one. I do think, however, that given the path that I am supposed to follow, I'm still clueless in many aspects. Oh well.

-Perfect La Campenella (Progress: 60%)

At least I have to play this at least once every time I touch a piano. I'm still not getting tired of it, and now only the harder parts elude me. Screw those repeating notes, mega-far jumps and left-hand arpeggio octaves...

I have to say, every year, my resolutions will look the same. With all of the above fulfilled, I would have fulfilled myself. Indeed it is difficult to start, but once the momentum rises, they can all proceed in unison.

And may that force be generated from the unknown of the new decade.

I feel like I should actually type something meaningful here, on the anniversary of my existence, but once again my ideas have run dry. All I know is the end of the year is arriving and though I have changed slightly throughout, I don't think there is any clear-cut gains in my abilities with regards with my age no longer starting with the digit 1.

It will be the next 10 years, which would probably be the most eventful, and after that would just be what a boring adult's life would be. Everyone knows that usually the peak of somebody's life is at their twenties. However, don't use this against people. Thinking that all 20 year olds, with their godly long period of time of knowledge and experience, and asking them to do everything is apparently incorrect. Not all so-called 'grown-ups' have the thinking you traditional upper-generations have. And don't get me started on kids nowadays.

So, what is wrong with all these people? Usually, in real life, the people that are close to me that I meet are generally good-natured, and not particularly out of their minds. However, through the apparent anonymousity that the Internet provides, people can be totally out of their way showing disrepect to others. Incessant insulting, sarcasm and cockiness amount to tensions over the Internet that cannot be solved because in reality, the people cannot even see each other. They cannot lodge a complaint because they don't even know who you are. But for the older generation know-it-alls, they can take a step further, into the real life. They can throw sarcastic comments at you, using body language to show disgust or disrespect, or even deliberately manipulate their tone of voice to irritate us, to show that since they are older, they automatically gain knowledge with time, and can show off their 'cleverness' in the face of us. When we disagree with you, we obviously have our reasons, not like what you think of us all the time, deliberately countering what you tell us. Do you think we really have so much time to elaborately plan and execute methods to irritate your oversized conscience? The answer is no, so stop your wishful thinkings and actually respect our ideas. Mark my words, I have had this type of feeling before, automatically marking somebody younger or less experienced than me as one not worth respecting. But I don't directly or even inadvertently disrespect these people. Their ideas can be surprisingly successful, only if you give them a chance in the first place. But seldom do they get a chance. All because the overconfidence and mindset of the 'elders'.

So before you criticize me, think about those people you detest. Are they worth hating? What are the reasons for doing so? Seldom has a person persistently annoyed me to no end with malicious intent. And even if they do, think what caused this intent. If it started with yourself, you have only yourself to blame. Another EViL aspect of humans that has risen with the process of time.

There is no limit for respect.

Yes, my room is getting divided into half.

Honestly, only half was mine in the first place, since the other half belonged to my sister, but she stays in the guest room, which is about twice the size of my room, and she sleeps on a queen-sized bed by herself. But it didn't matter much to me anyway, except now there is a partition.

In order for the construction to commence we had to unearth all the trash that has accumulated in the room for about 10 years. They ranged from many soft toys that I have never seen before to primary four exercise books. Since most of them are useless to me now, we either disposed of them or gave them to other people. Except my Legos. Don't touch my Legos, even though I no longer touch them. Of course, some things are kept for memory purposes. Like those maps that I drew, the exercise books that were used for my pen-and-paper RPG, EViL Encounter. I would have continued had not my brain juices were sucked dry by LS during his 'exploits' in EE3 and EE4.

Talking about RPGs, there hasn't been a decent one for...months now. No longer do we have those that have a deep storyline and intricate levelling system. No longer do we have those enjoyable multiplayer adventures. Now everything is about graphics, graphics. Too over-emphasized. Even the great great graphics now bore me when I try to pick up a game on say, the PS3. I'd take any PS2 game over it anyday. Being too elaborate on visualisation removes the space for development on what a game is supposed to provide. Fun and enjoyment. Not awe. In those days, I had always wanted a PS1, or a PS2. Now I don't think I'd even take a PS3 if you gave it to me free (unless I could sell it off immediately). My neighbour used to spend their days endlessly on PS1 and PS2 instead of the computer. Now their Wii and Xbox360 gather dust. And I can see why. I tried playing some games on them, which bored the hell out of me. What happened to the old concepts? As a series or franchise tries to revive its popularity over time, it degrades. I don't know why. We shall all take the infamous Crash Team Racing as an example. An excellent game for the PS1. Multiplayer compatibility. Decent graphics and addictive music. So what happened to their sequels? I don't know, though I have not played CNK but reviews are generally quite poor. CTTR was a nightmare and I couldn't wait to put it down. Is it that hard to think what gamers want to play and provide them with that? Azure dreams is a great PS1 game, though largely unknown by many. However, its simple concept has not been reproduced anywhere, ever (though a fail NDS sequel exists). It is a game now, that I still in this day and time play once every year or so, complete it, get sick of it, and return to start a new file next year.

But I guess this form of entertainment develops. It is progressing into a more visual-based project for some, and I don't think that's the way to go. Though a necessity, developing on that is probably going to waste effort more than anything. Perhaps in the future a new form of entertainment appears which will absorb our interests fully into its attention. But until then, I guess I'm returning to what it was.

And so, divided I rest.