Sunday, August 31, 2014
Still slow on the uptake, still conservative about my decisions, still unsure of my actions, but I have to stop thinking about what others think about me. My recent tendency to become critical and judgmental has put my loyalty to my principles to shame. I need to care less about myself, which results in me being less of a bystander, an invisible person whose presence is negligible. All the stories I've read about others, all the experiences that have been shared to me about others, have already informed me about the repercussions of each path I'm taking, and yet I can't force myself to stop going down the path of mediocrity.
Yet I know, in sparks of motivation, my potentials when they are realized, how much I can do which will benefit both myself and others. I wish to be there now. But mere wishful thinking won't get me there. I've got to get up and going. Convince me. Push me. Force me. It's the reason people do better with rules in place. The stricter the rules, the more oppressed people will become, but the more they will achieve. Unless they are idiots of course, but that's why strict rules don't work in the world better than they should.
All these entitlements are just for their own comfort. That leads to stagnation. I need to be beyond that now. Leave behind what I need to, and make myself uncomfortable. Think less about awkwardness, and be myself. For I know what I can do.
The more I fail, the less I will.