DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: June 2013


Saturday, June 08, 2013


As I gaze out into the HK night skyline in the distance, my mind has come to accept and return to the way I once was. My emotions subsided, I respond to reason readily. My brief moment facing this view will probably not be revisited again with such frequency. Steadily and gradually I seem to prepare myself to leave this all behind. It is a curious sensation really. This fuzzy feeling brings me back to my thoughts, mainly the turbulence I had been through in the last six months. Now that my emotional stability has returned, I have become who I once was...whether for better or worse, I no longer have the energy to determine.

There are so many curious anomalies to figure out but I don't think I should bother with them anymore. I used to fear losing you, but it turned out the opposite was true as well; yet now we seem to be content in our own worlds. Neither of us have lost anything, only gained, throughout the course of this semester. I have found what I am capable of, and the propelling power required to generate it...however, I will never know if I can call upon this kind of dedication ever again.

That aside, I have made progress towards my main goal; at least that still draws hope for me. But time is running out, and I cannot dawdle around that much longer. People around me are progressing; the world is progressing. They are already on to the next step of their lives. And though I'm physically equal, in terms of experience, I'm not ready. I still have two years to go. But at least I have these two years to develop and decide.

As for now, I return to the forgotten state. I don't think I've ever been any sort of main topic to talk about, and now with this ending, there is even less. But with the next study year, a new story begins. I will remember what I did right and what I did wrong. All those moments...it was enjoyable while it lasted. At least this ending has given me back my inner peace, and cleared many worries from my mind. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

And so I shall leave this all behind, and render this place stagnant again. After all, this is but a source of output of my despair. It has served me well, and it will save my memories. I shall return to either reminisce or draw inspiration from my old self, revising the lessons which I have learnt. I haven't been seeing luck for quite a while now. I think I'd make do with a pinch of it...

This return to paradise is but a short episode of rest to prepare me for what's to come.
JLam posted this at 13:31 | link | 0 comments |