DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: January 2008


Sunday, January 27, 2008

So I politely told them to stfu.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, "So I politely told them to stfu" was a phrase that caught my eye. In case you do not know, it caught my eye not because it was vulgar, but because it was...contradictory.

'O'-level results were released last week, one month earlier than usual. Apparently they want to do away with the whole PAE first-three-months thing. With all those changes happening right here and now to the curriculum system, things seemed all so different just three years ago on the same academic level. Changing the subject combinations in secondary schools, the introduction of ECAs which turned into compulsary CCAs, changing of 'A'-level subject curriculum...what is the purpose anyway.

Incidentally, it includes working us off for a H1 subject. Take geography for example. It used to be halving the subject horizontally, as in same amount of content but not as deep. Now it halves vertically, in which we have to study more to understand what the subject is talking about. All these changes to benefit us? More like hamper our time in studying for a subject that you did not want to take in the first place. Mark my words I do not hate geography, except for the 'economic geography' portion (heard of 'geographic economics' much?) but most of the people I know studying their H1 will give no thought about it except when it comes to it being a promotion criteria. Actually I have thought why am I studing mathematics and sciences. I really have not much interest in them, I would prefer literature but I guess I wanted a more 'confirmed' scoring sstem...now not to my benefit. And I am pissed off now because for every letter 't' and 'y' I type I have to highlight an existing letter, Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V everywhere (must be the curse of Tay Yi). So I will probably stop ranting and end my post soon. (If some of the phrases above confuse you, it is because I'm not using some suitable words that contain those two letters for my convenience.)

Lately, somehow, I have been sort-of addicted to Queen songs. That, considering that the band technically did not exist after 1991 says that it is something special. It is almost the only kind of rock music I listen to. And that is considering I listen to classical and game soundtracks. The only problem with that is, I have tests coming up next week. Ah and my brain is so saturated. I don't really know why.

And this computer is definitely getting on my nerves. Fortunately they're under my skin. If you thought that was lame, I will politely tell you to stfu. Don't worry you will probably not be offended.
JLam posted this at 23:21 | link | 0 comments |

Friday, January 25, 2008

Treading Thin Ice

I'm not that type of person that says without thinking. Usually, I think before I speak, for I value the feelings of whom I'm speaking to the most. What drives me into an uncomfortable, awkward feeling is that of offending people. Therefore a disclaimer of a topic about the same thing...

I am in no way attempting to degrade anything related to this event. Furthermore, though I realise I'm probably one week late on this, after I read my friend's blog (which resulted in some critisms which made him change his blog to a private blog), and discussing about this event, I am not attempting to degrade whatever Whoever-This-May-Concern has attempted to revoke his actions for. Therefore I will not name this individual.

It appears that, oblivious to me who doesn't patrol the toilets that often, approximately a week ago a certain J1 guy in the school had posted on his blog his 'feelings' about some girls who apparently irked his ego (Strong sarcasm, insult and language detected in the post). And on top of that, they didn't even do it on purpose. That was because, that was probably enjoyable to the girls who were from neighbourhood secondary schools, and not to this guy who was from SJI, apparently of a different 'class' (that's what he said). Additionally, he claims in comparison, he can get a higher 'class' girl anytime he likes. Yeah.

Obviously, when his blog was discovered, it enraged the people of PJC yeah yeah and some of them posted his blogpost all over the school so that everybody knew about it. Apparently they didn't succeed or they were taken down too quickly because I didn't get to see any little bit of it. I only received vague details, but after knowing about the whole event then I know it is just another case of a person fallen to the power of DiViNE EViL.

Topic here is respect. This guy apparently does not respect these girls who, in his opinion, are not respecting him as well as themselves. ": "besides the fact that you have 0% class, half the self respect, no sophistication to save your lives"
See it? In the belief that is stated by himself here, by halving their own self-respect they halve his self respect as well when he is with them. The fact that he himself regards of himself so highly is the reason he can't take the slightest bit of giving in for once without mulling over it. In fact, this is not a bad characteristic of a human. It is just that, this is the result of a negative side effect.

However, it just amazes me now that the modern society has become more open to the extent that vulgarities are used as often as conjunctions. You say you have class and high respect of yourself. Using 6 F-words in 4 paragraphs is not the way to go. If you do think you are that high-class, a letter of utmost correct grammar will be naturally expected, not phrases including internet-speak and verb-forms of vulgarities that would be more suitably substituted. One phrase that caught my eye was "so i politely told them to stfu."

In addition, his impulsive actions (worse if it is planned) may have just been an act of a mercurial attitude. As I still believe, making a decision that will probably linger or is irreversible cannot be made when one is experiencing strong emotions, or even directly after. It will more often than not result in regret.

At the very least, regret has been expressed by this guy who made an apology post afterward. In my opinion, the apology seems sincere (it had to be). Forgiveness is DiViNE, though it was the only thing left to do for him before he gets assassinated.

Now my take on this: I used to be from a what-you-call higher-class single-gender school, for ten years at that. I had become so used to that school and the values they go by that I have suddenly become lost after I am supposed to progress. This is where what I have learnt, and what I will learn, come in. Yes I have, in my life, ever thought of myself being of a higher-class. Because of that, I went into a polytechnic and failed miserably. In a last-ditch hope, nearly not making it, I returned to a JC. And the reason I have not made enemies at all, is because I value respect in people. They all have the same initial value. The only people on the verge of losing my respect are those who throw their own around, even when they know it.

In these two years, two years that I wasted academically and musically, I realise the importance of others to me. Even now, I'm still learning. All these years, the number of girls I know is so little that I do not know the general Singapore girl until I was in JC1. And this my probably be what this guy is feeling. However, instead of assimilating, he chose to reject what was happening to him. And he has learnt the lesson.

I'm still pondering over a question: "How long did it take you to adapt into the life of a mixed school" (or something along those lines). It was asked by a girl in my class. I asked myself, and I couldn't find an answer. This is a fault of my own. I have naturally weak confidence. (Don't attempt to exploit me here, as results fluctuate)

I know one aspect of my own fault, caused by this 'high-class' agenda still lingering in my character. I attempt to minimize it by being confined to myself. By expressing what I know is right to others, they naturally will give what they have received in return. Problems arise only when you have a high-class attitude when you're not even close at all...

Standards. That is what makes us. And affects us, which in return affects others. A higher risk results in higher rewards, or bigger failure. You may hate him, some can say 'oh he did that, yeah that isn't really right', but the matter is if he knew what he really did and will change what he will do in the future. Otherwise, this risk that he took for the sake of his high standards, resulted to nothing. That is definitely not what a 'high-class' person would perform.

For a low standard person would have not a fixed goal in life. And that is the dilemma that I am trapped in, a twisted dimention of fate and decision. But for all that uncertainty that enshrouds this enigma, I still value respect to a person in a high regard.

And you wonder about the power of DiViNE EViL.
JLam posted this at 23:13 | link | 0 comments |

More to the eye than the mind

In the light of reading again, the deterioration of all my aspects seems to have slightly halted; my music sense is steadily gaining ground again, I have come to understand music again, and I seem to be getting a hold on some academic topics that I am learning now. Unfortunately, my laptop has been giving me sheer inconvenience. Sometime in the previous week, the 't' and 'y' keys suddenly stopped working. In addition to that some of the top-row keys (like Escape, F1, F4 and F9) are also not working. Add that the number 9 key fell off asa well as the [ key, and the left arrow key not working at all, it is difficult to cope with a keyboard like that.

So now I have two computers, one which starts up in 5 minutes, and the other which requires me to CTRL+V everytime I have to type a letter t. Not to mention that it lags (Low Virtual Memory message pops out) when I open THREE Internet Explorer windows. Yet, I can barely see the time where I get a new computer. I guess half and half makes one.

For some reason, the previous week has sort of struck a kind of revelation to me. It is difficult to describe it, as I have it in my mind but not in words. I have felt that I have a slightly more open nature, though those were the most primitive words I had in my mind. Before I have time to reflect though, the next week of tests will arrive; and this time, there is no next time. That is the truth.

And the power of DiViNE EViL has just barely wafted in.
JLam posted this at 22:53 | link | 0 comments |

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Into the Nothingness

It will be a difficult year. For it is about and only about studies, nothing that I am looking forward too. I would have looked forward to some subjects, but constant piling of information is just killing my brain. Yes my brain might be smaller than average but it is more weirdly shaped than usual. Therefore I think of weirder solution to questions...

Anyway my previous posts that I attempted to post in December were mostly interrupted. Then there's the fact that I'm lazy...on the other hand I don't really have that much time using the computer, so prepare for long periods of time whereby this page will not be updated...because I won't be updating. Laziness plus business (busy-ness?) will surely put my mind off my blog.

But I do foresee, the mysterious clouds of DiViNE EViL swirling around in the midst. They will probably attack as early as June, and will last all the way until November. How long will I be able to endure this spell of paranoia. If my mind doesn't break, my studies will.

To hell with examinations.
JLam posted this at 00:32 | link | 0 comments |