DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: April 2014


Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tearing Down the Barriers

As I disgruntledly close the distracting episode which sidetracked my mind for over a year, looking further back in my life has raised questions about my future, and what I have to my name right now. Since the time I turned 21, I have been in crisis; a personal fight with myself. Or rather, society as it is willing to accept my incompetence. My mastery over procrastination even has an effect on this; pushing back the time I have to deal with my unsuccessfulness until...I have to. It is probably a bad thing that most of my feelings are reset over a night of slumber, as it merely encourages my procrastination.

Even infatuation, a problem I never used to have, is only exposed to me relatively recently. All these distractions that others have learnt to deal with and overcome five years before I did. And even with my principles trying to keep my mind straight, I had occasional tendencies to deliberately isolate myself. Discovering Pink Floyd's The Wall album has actually helped me somewhat in this...in understanding the reasons why some people construct barriers to distance themselves away from others, but ultimately we need to know even these barriers are just a means for us to escape from reality. And I don't want to end up with that result.

These assignments, which I consider relatively simple and low on work load, yet still trying to push them away, have at least forced me to embrace what I have to do and given me some momentum. I'm on the right path, with the right tools now, and all I have to do is step on the gas and accelerate, yet my foot is still shying away from it. Why can't I conjure this little bit of effort to help myself to do what I want? Sometimes I don't understand myself...

But again, from The Wall, I have learnt that complicated things laden with knowledge appeal to those who are really specialized and deep in their studies who understand them, but the simple reach out to most. An unconventional switch, bringing out the ethereal enjoyment of others rather than the physical, with comparatively less effort well within a single person's creation, can spell a legacy of success.

I have the ideas. I have the outlines. But I don't have the substance. What I do have, though, are the tools to create them. Yet all I need, the remaining part to get this engine running, is the activation, the fuel, supplied by myself. I have it. So I have to use it. Do it.

The puzzle is complete. But I completed it on the floor, making it impossible to be framed unless I do it again. This time, correctly. Then I will finally come to appreciate the content I have created.

I just have to do what I want to.
JLam posted this at 19:46 | link | 0 comments |