DiViNE EViL
Friday, January 06, 2017
My time is over.
Like it or not, the best years of my life, or those that should be, are quickly diminishing. More than a year into the working life, I guess this is what I'm going to work with eventually. Not that I'm staying here for long, but I've at least a taste of what's to come. At the very least, it does seem that it can get better from here. But chances for me to experiment and make mistakes are becoming less forgiving as time goes on.
There is less for me to see without sacrificing anything. And how silly was I to care about the expenses I could reduce, which weren't even mine in the first place, instead of using the resources I was given to make more mistakes so I could learn from them. It has become too late for me to realise that this method is actually the most effective for me. But there are some mistakes which have permanent effects.
I dwell too much on the past. From my isolated youth, I thought too much about making mistakes and remembered the most of the worst of them. But then came my enjoyable period of learning, and now I think too much of the times where the atmosphere, the feelings, and emotions, were magical. Where have they gone now? Can I not really experience them here again?
Only a few days; a few interactions; are enough to wake the remnants of my desire to relive and reminisce. As the past year plodded by, and my life devolved into routine, have I started to gradually fall out from what I stood for in my journey of learning. Despite using all the skills and knowledge I gained then to aid me in my work now, I'm burning its output to fuel the vapidness of survival.
It's still not too late yet, but the flame is nearing the end of the wick. Of course, nobody knows what this year may bring, but I'm sitting here hoping again. The difference only becomes more apparent when you're not able to do anything about it.
Embrace all you can now, my friend.
There is less for me to see without sacrificing anything. And how silly was I to care about the expenses I could reduce, which weren't even mine in the first place, instead of using the resources I was given to make more mistakes so I could learn from them. It has become too late for me to realise that this method is actually the most effective for me. But there are some mistakes which have permanent effects.
I dwell too much on the past. From my isolated youth, I thought too much about making mistakes and remembered the most of the worst of them. But then came my enjoyable period of learning, and now I think too much of the times where the atmosphere, the feelings, and emotions, were magical. Where have they gone now? Can I not really experience them here again?
Only a few days; a few interactions; are enough to wake the remnants of my desire to relive and reminisce. As the past year plodded by, and my life devolved into routine, have I started to gradually fall out from what I stood for in my journey of learning. Despite using all the skills and knowledge I gained then to aid me in my work now, I'm burning its output to fuel the vapidness of survival.
It's still not too late yet, but the flame is nearing the end of the wick. Of course, nobody knows what this year may bring, but I'm sitting here hoping again. The difference only becomes more apparent when you're not able to do anything about it.
Embrace all you can now, my friend.
