DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: Spiralling Return


Saturday, December 28, 2013

Spiralling Return

Your primary intention is to escape from the pains of your past. Your intention is to forge a friendship with a true, trustable person. Your intention is to free yourself from the restrictions of your own world. But inadvertently, you invoke something more than that. I thought we couldn't be any closer, but yet your own obliviousness has proved me wrong again. There's...more affection involved, much more than your ideal example. The best and worst of you have been laid out, your true self revealed. Can I say I know you more than most whom you know? All this only in the span of one year. And in this one year things have happened, disappeared, and returned with more fervor each time. It's not only a cycle, but a spiral - the curves getting steeper with each reiteration.

All this - and I still know my feelings are doomed for eternity. In the midst of this, you are still able to speak about things which are awkward given our history. Though I brushed it off, it is really not totally controllable as i have previously mentioned. In the end, is it me giving too much, or you expecting to take too much? Or perhaps it could even be more sinister...knowing that you have this advantage within your reign.

I have told you twice already...but each time, I have come to realise that you have still underestimated the dilemmas you have given me. Although we are in an ideal situation right now, prolonged exposure will only condemn me to misery unless something else manages to distract me. I don't know how to explain everything fully without ruining our past efforts, or causing you to take actiin against my distress. It's because, no matter what, I will only lose.

I think too much into your messages, but in real life, you're just a clueless, straightforward being absorbed in your own wonderland. And perhaps that's what still draws my attention. All this while, trying to think about your negatives has numbed me so much that become the unusualities that I can accept.

As we temporarily draw apart again, similar feelings from this same period of time one year ago return to me. The returning spiral which turns with less frequency but with more intensity. I'll just hope this is just as much temporal as it is. But when will the truth be out? With one truth I divulge, another one beckons, and each confession hardens but breaks me. Perhaps I should just forgo everything and break my reputation. Yet again I've never been this fickle minded. Every action you take will have a large bearing on my disposition.

I will return and settle things soon. Well, not me. Time will have to do it again. Will this wretched journey ever change? Perhaps...it will be you yourself who determines our fates.

But until then, it's deja vu.
JLam posted this at 02:00


Add a comment