Friday, September 06, 2013
Lessons not fully learnt
Despite somewhat knowing what to do and how to go around doing it, my unyielding character seems to prevail above my intentions. Those who have known me will now be exposed even more to my glaring weaknesses. The inductory period is over. Opinions solidify and tighten. Facts become proven. Chances are not given.
Even most basic things will be less direct and more ambigious. But perhaps this is beneficial to my character. Having lulled in oblivion for so long, it is time for a jolt to set me in the right direction again.
For now, I have prepared nothing, done nothing, and still doing nothing. Temptations are bringing me back to the past, but I need to resist sometimes. There is much to learn, and I know it.
As for you...you're still as mysterious as ever. Perhaps I just don't understand. But I fully understand the fault now...the previously unthinkable that I would not have come to accept. It's part of my life now, a niggling blob in the corner of my heart. But I have chosen to lock it away...to never release the horror contained within despite its everlonging battle for freedom. I would have to deal with it one day...but it'd be later better than sooner. Other things have the priority.
This monstrosity that will wreck me again...will not be freed by my own will. Until the time is right.