DiViNE EViL
Sunday, May 26, 2013
The Final Ending
And so it has ended. For I applaud your final bout of honesty, giving me the confirmation which I required. You probably realised there was no point holding it back anymore anyway. There were clues hinting at this premonition. I was supposed to prepare myself to give everything up. And now that the hammer has been dropped, I guess I should be pretty much thankful that these previous events have mitigated the pain that I would experience. Again, it is too early for me to express all that I'm feeling...as these might change, like they did before, in the coming days. But I've tried as much as I could, while being as much as who I am. In the end...it might even be a good thing that we weren't forced together.
And so only the last piece of the puzzle is left, which is about all the sequence of events that led up to this. I had probably picked up tiny hints everywhere, but there were also other clues which turned out to be false, deliberately misleading me from the true situation. But even my heart knows...that the three times it has been battered and pierced...were the three genuine major checkpoints which outlined this entire story.
It has nearly been 6 months...a majestic period of memories, experiences, wonderment, and mystery. It is something that I ought to forget now...although I have everything entirely chronologically archived. As it is said, it is probably a good thing that I'm leaving this physically, and return to the land where my oblivious self once thrived and flourished. But I have to come back...all along, I wished I never had to go away. Now...I will have to deal with a new troublesome prospect of the future this event brings. I can no longer be with you as freely as we did, as you have now someone you're supposed to be with. Though it was of my own accord to help you...I would never probably be able again to repeat what I have done. You're not on your own...but I'm not with you.
If I do recover, I'll look back at this and thank myself I haven't gotten involved in anything more. Even now, I look back at what I did months ago and can already assess the situations more accurately than how I did then. This one experience...a grand one at that, has tested my conscience, my principles, and my abilities to the greatest extent. Although I have failed...and only marginally so, it has prepared me for my next test...should I ever get the opportunity to be retested.
I still do not desire to detest anybody or hold any grudges. After all, I have never really seriously done so before, and this again calls in one of my principles - that I will always have respect for somebody until they choose to lose it. This doesn't qualify, for it has to be from a direct reason. But how somebody as close as this I'm still not familiar with...might be a reprieve after all.
I shouldn't ask myself, why did all these happen? I should embrace the naturalness of the course of a human life. If it weren't for my past, I'd probably experienced this earlier anyway, at a period of time where it could even be more undesirable. In distracting myself, or actually harnessing and channeling this power into something that I actually liked and aimed to do, I have inadvertently propelled myself in the direction of my main goal. Now I know, I haven't failed that goal, but it has merged together with my main one. I have acheived more than I ever did. I have been more satisfied with the things I've created than I ever did. I have been encouraged, acknowledged, and supported more than I ever did. The many choices in life undoubtly have to end in a solid answer one way or another. Some will get the short end of the stick, no doubt. But what they lack in some areas, will be redeemed in others. For the real face of optimism deals with my actual fortune. Although my feelings will not respond to this mindset, I at least know that my direction is still set and clear. Do not make decisions in the course of a surge of emotions. Appreciate the joy of life. Acknowledge the randomness of judgment and luck which can fall upon anyone, anybody, and change their lives, characters, and future for others, for better or worse.
The unifying priniciple of Divine Evil. Ah, how I have missed you.
Forgive myself.
And so only the last piece of the puzzle is left, which is about all the sequence of events that led up to this. I had probably picked up tiny hints everywhere, but there were also other clues which turned out to be false, deliberately misleading me from the true situation. But even my heart knows...that the three times it has been battered and pierced...were the three genuine major checkpoints which outlined this entire story.
It has nearly been 6 months...a majestic period of memories, experiences, wonderment, and mystery. It is something that I ought to forget now...although I have everything entirely chronologically archived. As it is said, it is probably a good thing that I'm leaving this physically, and return to the land where my oblivious self once thrived and flourished. But I have to come back...all along, I wished I never had to go away. Now...I will have to deal with a new troublesome prospect of the future this event brings. I can no longer be with you as freely as we did, as you have now someone you're supposed to be with. Though it was of my own accord to help you...I would never probably be able again to repeat what I have done. You're not on your own...but I'm not with you.
If I do recover, I'll look back at this and thank myself I haven't gotten involved in anything more. Even now, I look back at what I did months ago and can already assess the situations more accurately than how I did then. This one experience...a grand one at that, has tested my conscience, my principles, and my abilities to the greatest extent. Although I have failed...and only marginally so, it has prepared me for my next test...should I ever get the opportunity to be retested.
I still do not desire to detest anybody or hold any grudges. After all, I have never really seriously done so before, and this again calls in one of my principles - that I will always have respect for somebody until they choose to lose it. This doesn't qualify, for it has to be from a direct reason. But how somebody as close as this I'm still not familiar with...might be a reprieve after all.
I shouldn't ask myself, why did all these happen? I should embrace the naturalness of the course of a human life. If it weren't for my past, I'd probably experienced this earlier anyway, at a period of time where it could even be more undesirable. In distracting myself, or actually harnessing and channeling this power into something that I actually liked and aimed to do, I have inadvertently propelled myself in the direction of my main goal. Now I know, I haven't failed that goal, but it has merged together with my main one. I have acheived more than I ever did. I have been more satisfied with the things I've created than I ever did. I have been encouraged, acknowledged, and supported more than I ever did. The many choices in life undoubtly have to end in a solid answer one way or another. Some will get the short end of the stick, no doubt. But what they lack in some areas, will be redeemed in others. For the real face of optimism deals with my actual fortune. Although my feelings will not respond to this mindset, I at least know that my direction is still set and clear. Do not make decisions in the course of a surge of emotions. Appreciate the joy of life. Acknowledge the randomness of judgment and luck which can fall upon anyone, anybody, and change their lives, characters, and future for others, for better or worse.
The unifying priniciple of Divine Evil. Ah, how I have missed you.
Forgive myself.
