DiViNE EViL
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Acceptance
Our histories have been quite different indeed, and with that we would be used to different customs and procedures. Things that I find normal might be a surprise to you. It is with your reaction to such cultural changes which might be a barrier for anyone else to get closer. Things that we might find special to you, are not appreciated by yourself because you are used to them. Therefore, causing you to adapt...is the challenge.
Although my character is similar, I do not openly display my reactions to the differences, and I generally accept whatever that is within my tolerance. However, expanding these boundaries...is a trickier task. How far out should I venture? Has it got to be within what you are used to, but out of my limit? I guess only trial and error will suffice. Not being a local, I only have vague ideas of what is considered normal here, although the communities are supposedly quite similar. Or maybe...again, it's just you who's different?
It's not easy for me but I guess I have to call my bravery to the test. Never have I thought I possessed enough...alongside with courage. But there isn't much time and opportunity left. I'm deeply sorry I'm using you as a subject of my trail and error...but we all have to start somewhere. Besides, I have already done too much for you. More than I thought I ever would.
But again, it lingers on my mind: I don't think I would ever want to succeed this way. If I did, there would be too much to be expected from myself. Not to mention that miscommunications still happen. The constraints still linger, which isn't a good sign for me. Though in the fourth attempt, I have mostly put behind all the misery which I had, I think I have come to realise that this has only put me out of obsession, but not desire. I will require a greater force to pull me away. That undoubtly will come three weeks later when I leave. But in between...should I just give it one last shot?
Time and again I have reminded myself not to fall into this trap...I have even been saved from one after falling as a victim. I know what it is like. But perhaps, I have to be the bad guy this time...to play the role I have never imagined. The role which amasses all the qualities which I never believed I had enough of. But the levels are reaching a new ceiling, and if I don't make use of them now, they'll return to where they used to be.
The summary? A task I'm reluctant to take. A reward which I'm not sure I want. A bunch of prerequisites which I have never had. A method which I had never used. An experience, with its amount potentially great, which I have never had, but will probably require anyway. This is going to be tough...but perhaps it won't be so bad.
And that's what I keep saying. Can I do it? Again, only time will tell.
Although my character is similar, I do not openly display my reactions to the differences, and I generally accept whatever that is within my tolerance. However, expanding these boundaries...is a trickier task. How far out should I venture? Has it got to be within what you are used to, but out of my limit? I guess only trial and error will suffice. Not being a local, I only have vague ideas of what is considered normal here, although the communities are supposedly quite similar. Or maybe...again, it's just you who's different?
It's not easy for me but I guess I have to call my bravery to the test. Never have I thought I possessed enough...alongside with courage. But there isn't much time and opportunity left. I'm deeply sorry I'm using you as a subject of my trail and error...but we all have to start somewhere. Besides, I have already done too much for you. More than I thought I ever would.
But again, it lingers on my mind: I don't think I would ever want to succeed this way. If I did, there would be too much to be expected from myself. Not to mention that miscommunications still happen. The constraints still linger, which isn't a good sign for me. Though in the fourth attempt, I have mostly put behind all the misery which I had, I think I have come to realise that this has only put me out of obsession, but not desire. I will require a greater force to pull me away. That undoubtly will come three weeks later when I leave. But in between...should I just give it one last shot?
Time and again I have reminded myself not to fall into this trap...I have even been saved from one after falling as a victim. I know what it is like. But perhaps, I have to be the bad guy this time...to play the role I have never imagined. The role which amasses all the qualities which I never believed I had enough of. But the levels are reaching a new ceiling, and if I don't make use of them now, they'll return to where they used to be.
The summary? A task I'm reluctant to take. A reward which I'm not sure I want. A bunch of prerequisites which I have never had. A method which I had never used. An experience, with its amount potentially great, which I have never had, but will probably require anyway. This is going to be tough...but perhaps it won't be so bad.
And that's what I keep saying. Can I do it? Again, only time will tell.
