DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: A Successful Test


Wednesday, May 08, 2013

A Successful Test

This test was placed in front of me, and I'm satisfied with how I handled everything. For it is a proof to myself that I have gotten over everything. And about time, too. Just three days ago, I resolved to put it down for the fourth time...two days ago, I felt that I was going to succeed...and yesterday, the premonition to challenge my willpower suddenly sprung up at me. And today, I have confirmed that I have been freed from my confusions.

For I am much more free and natural around you. I have finally come to treat you the same was as I do with everybody else. And that is the true part of me of which I really am. I required a bit of confirmation and warming up, but after that, everything proceeded smoothly. And that included everything that came before, during, and after. During my period of misery, I couldn't be happier asking for a day like this. Now that I'm free from it, this is but a gift, one that I do not expect, but one which I accept and return graciously.

I didn't go all according to plan, though. Now that I think of it, I will probably hold from telling the truth about myself, or at least so soon. Even in this aspect I have become more controlled. If it's not absolutely necessary, I shouldn't dig this up, lest I blame my own impulsiveness again. After all, it's just four days...and there's still another test coming up. But that shouldn't be such a problem. I should think less about what other perceive of us...even though it was the truth before, it isn't the truth now.

However, holding on to that means there is at least one question still lingering. Perhaps it's just as easy as forgetting about it, or deliberately not mentioning it. But we're so close to touching on that subject every time, that my mind undoubtedly flitters momentarily to it...does it for you?

This brings us to another point: that I have to fully admit, if you'd choose to change your mind, I'd oblige...but that's not happening. And I shouldn't expect that to happen. I shouldn't even think about it. I should have succumbed by now, but it's good to know I have not. My strength is returning...and I will accept who I am. Differences exist, we know that. But we shouldn't make our differences our similarities. In fact, it's even more natural that we be able to accept them. And that's how it will be.

Naturalness...is the true face of destiny.
JLam posted this at 21:30


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