Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Already in the shadow of its advent, I plan to start a second work. There might be no deadline to drive this one on, but hopefully my momentum can keep up. After all, soon there'll be an excess of time for me. You no longer choose to follow this way, and I respect that decision, but that is my main goal. I've come here for that, to acquire and harness the skills, no matter how unorthodox, to augment my ability. But as long as your natural interest is there, I hope you will continue putting in at least a little effort in it, and I shall assist you as much as I can.
I've failed to give up thrice over already...against my well-being, why do I still insist? I do feel the effects gradually diminishing with each passing though...how many more impacts do I have to take to finally collapse according to my will?
Again, I thought it was over...but the little trivial things that you relate back to me affect me multiple times more. For the sake of your request I engage all possible contacts to ensure they don't do the same thing again, even though that might even worsen the situation. My memory suddenly becomes much sharper, remembering every little detail you mentioned. But seeing it isn't the same for you, I know that this isn't reciprocal. I fear that I will tread on the wrong nerve, where in reality every kind of interpersonal relationship is bound to have at least miniscule amounts of disagreement. I truly mean goodwill, but will one wrong step really render our relations into nothingness?
I, for one, will always respect people until they lose it. Even then, my leniency allows this level of respect to regenerate over time provided there is no interaction between us. I personally can think of numerous examples; there aren't any grudges that I have ever kept. But again, I have to question the nature of this special case...I'm dealing with something I'm still not entirely familiar with. Will this, along with my emotions, be a special case with effect to my principles, where technically, special refers to generic?
But I know, I cannot change you. Well, maybe I can, but not in that aspect. To change you, I change myself. To help myself, I help you. Perhaps this is what I am really meant to gain. And I admit, I do feel a change. I'm becoming somebody who I have never tried becoming before.
Righteousness does not bring success. But being right...is all that's enough for me to fulfil.