DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: Symptoms of Withdrawal


Saturday, March 02, 2013

Symptoms of Withdrawal

I can't help but feel so ashamed of myself now. I guess I really need the viewpoint of other people to assist me in my emotional journey. After getting more opinions from an entirely new (and technically, more reliable) subset of people, I have been able to understand more from your point of view. It all boils down to that unforgivable mistake...the one that I was able to prevent, the one which caused all this misery, the one which caused you all this discomfort, the one which ruined my goal.

For I have to place this trust in the essence of human beings. As little faith as they might seem on the outside, I have underestimated their will and compassion in sharing my pain and the encouragement they are able to provide. All this mess was wrought from my infidelity, and ignoring all the warning signs all so apparent in retrospect. Despite being able to pin the blame of minor issues on others, the final greatest offender is myself. I have to emphasize this and remind myself again and again, for this is how human beings succeed by learning from mistakes.

Everytime anything starts going with you, my spirit is rekindled; my interest reawakened. I have to learn to put this down totally. I need to understand this is how we will return to how we were. You were already ready; it was I all along who was still lingering around in my reverie. It has been an entire month already...so short yet so long a time to slowly diffuse the awkwardness. In fact, it was already done...but somehow, it was brought back, however inadvertently.

From now, I will deny my infatuation as a test of my willpower. As much as I have wronged, it is my duty to learn from these, and I am confident you will be able to tell from this. Put everything out of my mind and return to the oblivious advocate I once was. Counter the sine curve with the cosine curve. Whatever it takes to turn back my emotional clock. Fate has since forsaken me, but if it were to return, we'll start this anew. If I can't take it backward, I'll take it forward in reverse. Until then, farewell.

And with this, hopefully another episode in my life has been closed. I didn't enjoy it, but I sure learnt from it.
JLam posted this at 01:14


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