DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: Not understanding Myself


Friday, March 15, 2013

Not understanding Myself

This is really difficult to understand. Things have indeed ideally returned back to how they were before, but that little catch just confuses me. I guess I have expressed enough on this already. But that's just regarding you. Now, what is peculiar now is again related to myself. It's really good that I am no longer obsessed, but it seems that desire has shrunk too far. Perhaps the unwillingness to take up the responsibility has finally hit me. Is that a good thing though? Sooner or later, I would have to deal with it anyway, but propelling myself forward through necessity rather than desire would not prove beneficial to us.

I guess patience is the key again, and I will have to observe the situation. I always think I have to make use of this time where opportunites are greater. That is true in reality, and it's a pity I can't have more time to carry out my plans, not to mention I wasted more than a month by messing up. Being too hasty, however, is only selfish of me. I have to disagree with many of my own actions and decisions that I have made since the turn of the year, but I do think it's better that I have become more critical of myself. I pride myself of my low standards but I will need to raise them when others are involved.

It's still there though. Being too cautious when I'm around you...at least it counts for something. This decrease in obsession, however, has increased my reluctance to deviate too much from my innate character and principles for this acquisition. Much of you is shrouded in mystery, and this has spread even to myself. I am no longer controlled purely by principle. I have to finally realise the power of the heart which can overcome the mercuriality of the mind. For now, think less...and concentrate on what I have to do more.

For it is no longer my mind which determines the next step.
JLam posted this at 23:31


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