DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: Neither Here nor There


Friday, March 29, 2013

Neither Here nor There

It seems like, despite not receiving the absolute bad news, I will have to resign myself eventually anyway, though in a manner which I can handle more suitably. Indeed, it is a mystery how my heart can react so naturally and uncontrollably by facts received and processed by the brain. The situation now with us is neither here nor there...or anywhere in between; it is just mysteriously swirling around indefinitely hoping to land and latch itself onto any stable surface.

I guess I would have predicted your intentions, but you haven't been able to progress that far yet. I'll make this clear; I do not intend to ruin anything. You do care about your image but there are many other things that are more important, which require this phase of slight image-distortion to go through. Keeping everything under the radar is indeed difficult to maintain. You will have to do what is right, not what others perceive what you do as right.

In discussing this with you, I have yet again created an awkward tension between us which had just recently dissipated. But we have cleared up many things, have we not? This conversation is not over, and although a part of me aches to know more, another just wills me to forget everything. Why am I so affected by this infatuation I tried to shed? I want to give it up for the greater good, yet not every part of me complies. There are many unique qualities we see in each other which we would want to treasure and appreciate...but to what extent, is the difference.

I would have to marvel at the fronts you're putting up, but we're close enough now to discuss these in confidentiality. Hopefully, your perception of me hasn't changed, because I sure haven't. I have to sincerely apologize for how much trouble I turned this into more than it should, but it is out of my control. I have tried, but my instinct precedes reason.

But this is just half of it. More will be revealed soon...and this is a test on how I can handle the situation. Perhaps this upcoming break...is just what we needed. It is time I set myself free. Or perhaps...what is kept amongst ourselves can assist with that.

Indeed...my life here is a drama within itself.
JLam posted this at 13:55


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