Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Perhaps I will have to wait till there is a long break again. My age, for once, has an advantage; having technically learnt more, my workload has been naturally lessened in comparison. Perhaps this isn't a good thing after all. I have too much to think about; too little to distract me away from the matter at hand.
Oh how times have changed. I have now been plagued by all the troubles and negative values I used to scorn upon others; and blame them on the imaginary principle of the power of Divine Evil. But now I know where all this stems from. I have been far too solitary, too dependant on myself. It is the emergence of the final piece of the puzzle which moulds my character, which exposes all the weaknesses within me. Along with this confusion brought a new bout of curiosity, desire, despair and jealousy. Over time, I have learnt to somewhat suppress these feelings, but it's not over yet. But do I want it to end? I have had a clear example, presented to but fortunately not directly affecting me. I can imagine the outcome had the situation actually concerned me and it has somewhat prepared me for the worst. But if I don't succeed, the probability of this situation happening is highly possible. And I won't be able to prepare myself in reaction to that and what happens afterwards.
It is all so mysterious. We never know how you all think. Possibly you all never thought about it, but we do. Perhaps we notice little things too much. But don't leave hints now. I'd prefer if you all explicitly state your intentions right from the start, but I know it doesn't work that way. We will have to learn through trial and error. And now I'm committing error after error. When will I strike the right spot which solves this massive enigma? It's a universal question so many other people share, yet each one's situation is unique. And that's what makes this confusing to me as well. There's nothing I can refer to, but blindly feel my way across. Potholes are everywhere, and I can't even tell when I'm falling through one. I'm just waiting for it to end - the time when I strike the ground or somehow stumble my way across. But either way, it has been an experience. It's right to say, if we were presented with what we want easily, we'd take it for granted. Now, through all the trials and tribulations, and all the considerations that went with them, we would never let go of what we have...provided we actually acquire it. And with that, you have my word.
But, would you ever think of it as much as we do...? We may never know.