DiViNE EViL

I thought doing that would ease my pain, but it has only made me feel more miserable for as long as I could remember. In my mind I have tried pinning the blame on others but I know everything is of my own doing. I had set up the situation so perfectly; the situation was set up for me perfectly. There were last warnings and alarm bells ringing, but in my blind inexperience I surged on. And for a brief moment I felt liberated, but the repercussions were almost immediate. It is as they say; it is indeed a sickness. I am reminded of the times I was rendered helpless by vertigo, where I could do nothing but wait for the seconds to excruciatingly pass without aim.

I still don't know why I didn't think twice though. Or consult the help of others. Such an elementary mistake that I wouldn't make if it was in any other context. But this time it was another part of me which was leading the way. A part that had lay dormant all these years. And suddenly, it has burst into life, jolting other systems so much that they go haywire. It is something that truly cannot be academically studied.

Of course, I could still be optimistic. Maybe luck can still save me. More importantly, I have nevertheless gained something from this, and must learn to put it behind. Though I'm behind on time, the opportunities are always there if I look for them.

Hope is always there until you've given up.