DiViNE EViL DiViNE EViL: Procession


Thursday, January 14, 2010


I am of the '89 batch, though born in December. And so it would just be fulfilling to match the achievements of those in the '89 batch, and this is the chance now, though events that have already transpired cannot be reverted.

Most of the people I know are from the '89 batch and the '90 batch, because I dropped half year out of polytechnic, and idled the other half away. For those of the '89 batch, most of them are ORD-ing, or have already ORD-ed. In a way, it's a good thing to see them ORD, because I can collect a sample of examples of what they are doing after their NS life. Everybody is waiting for their NS life to end, but when it really arrives, their life ends in a cliff. Some of them already have the bridge laid out for them, while others frantically look for materials to gather to build one. Right now, I'm running out of these materials. Usually these materials are gathered even before NS life, as in, 'A'-level results. Now stuck on a one-way path, I have come to need to understand the pain that I have suffered before. The pain that I have ceased to suffer since the last year of glory, 2005. The last year of my secondary school. Since then I have been a shadow of my former self in terms of intelligence. I can feel it still there, pulsing, but unable to truly operate freely. I cannot take the hardship needed to unlock this but I require it much so.

And this is where discipline comes in. The truth is I haven't had discipline in a long time now, and it deteriorates my dwindling intellect. But there is a chance now. For those in the '90 batch, which I am now an accomplice of, they still have one year of NS life to go. This year, is the year that I have to capitalize. To ignore external factors if possible. And if I succeed, the momentum will return once more, and the new decade will be full of possibilities.

The prospect now looks promising. This laziness must end. For those that are all half-assed in NS right now, and I do know some, we have to squeeze out as much time as possible and make your work an actual relief from NS life. As much as I loathed studying before, I miss it when you actually don't do it anymore. But I know if I pick it up again, I will come to dislike it again. But this is the test which determines our strength. And by passing the test reaps rewards. And by then there will be no worries. Opportunities will cascade freely and the way forward is branched into many simple yet profitable paths.

People always ask me what I want to do in future. I have no real answer for this all the time because I dare not confirm that realism that exists. Only when you are close enough will you confirm your goal. But now I know that this is not the case for success. You have to confirm your goal and perform any means to proceed towards it. And along the way you have to make sacrifices to your other goals. But you can return to those later after you have accomplished your main one, as you won't turn out to be half-assed.

Until the progress starts again may I come here to update. Not really sure of my proceedings from here, but I have clear goals in mind now. Though short-term, but they are still critically needed. And unless you can strongly convince me otherwise, I will not waver from this decision.

Embrace the beneficial suffering.
JLam posted this at 22:37


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