Monday, November 02, 2009
I do not deny, that the character and principles of my father have perturbed my thoughts and shunned the opportunities that I could have taken advantage of. More often than not, our extreme differences clash and friction generates between our ideas. Being the senior, he of course takes no hesitation to implant his values into me and hopes that I conform. But judging from how I see others, this pressure has actually generated a reverse effect, something that I am ashamed of, unable to change even as I try. And don't get me started when I actually try. Trying is not something that requires full effort, that is conforming.
I've had somebody tell me he was not satisfied with his own character, knowing his faults, but unable to change them. Characteristics driven by instinct are not easy to change. Easier said than done. He told me that, in the highly monitored past that we had gone through by our elders, it has actually restricted some parts of our development. Many people, like him, are grounded for a punishment. I actually stayed at home so much that I was chased out of the house. And then you know, people who actually care too much about you do you harm.
Being less restriced, free and loose, allowed the others to learn their own mistakes at their own accord, unafraid to be subjected by rejection of their closest members. For those who were caned for every tiny mistake they made, they grew up either being geniuses or the banes of life. Either way, not normal. A forced genius is more dangerous than a normal human being. A genius is born a genius. A person not, but forced to be one, is subject to tremendous pressure. On rare occasions they exceed their limit in the form of an outburst, causing situational but heavy mental and emotional damage to the individual as well as their family. Those who manage to subdue this pressure, usually, even if they succeed, are distinctively marked by other normal people by distinctive traits. Perhaps it could be extremist imaginations. Forceful demands. Solitary preference. With this knowledge it is extremely easy to identify the environment in which a person is brought up. They could even cause their own children to suffer as a chain reaction. And most of them, they don't realise it themselves, or even if they do, they know there's nothing they can do about it.
So let's be free. Things come naturally to you in a normal course of human life. As long as you do not indulge in something too useless, there is always hope to integrate yourself into the community. Do not be forced by others throughout your lifetime. No human being's emotional capacity can sustain such detrimental volume. Everything that you do grants you knowledge. Even if this knowledge is not related to your aspirations, it doesn't matter. This knowledge makes us free, unrestricted from a linear pathway of the progression of your life.
So, please, from now, allow my own path to unravel itself.