DiViNE EViL
Friday, March 20, 2009
Three dumb years
It has been three years. Three painful years. Since the last time I have been truly absorbed in what I wanted to do. Now because I have gone the wrong way in these three years, even after changing the path once, I feel utterly stupid. Sigh. What could have been.
Did I not think of that earlier? I probably didn't. Somehow my blame is always aiming towards my father, but I can't do that all the time. But my reasoning here was that even though he keeps telling me I have the choice of studying what I want, he gives the impression, or hints at, his disapproval. Knowing the indecisiveness of my character that I was, I decided to take a stab at Polytechnic life. Turned out that I really passed the days in pain. So my mind turned back to the straight and true path which is A levels. Or so I thought. Why did I not think I could turn from the right-side path to the left? I went back on the rocky middle mainstream path. Now I find the left side path is obviously the one which suits me the most. Unfortunately it's over the mountains now and I will really have to climb the mountains to get back to it, or I would be stick in this mudhole.
The only thing I was thankful of my tertiary education life, other than the good times our class had, was the piano in the hall. Thanks to Tay Yi I have actually dared to play pieces of decent difficulty, if not I would be stuck in the mudhole not knowing even where to go. At least I still have decent contacts in the left lane, which might just be able to pull me back on track. Unfortunately I have already lost out quite a bit, and in this age, time is everything.
If I had not known earlier, I would be what I could have been. Now I have to find a way out of the mudhole first. Can I clamber out via somehow studying music during my two years serving national service? Can I escape via some other course which I can somehow miraculously enter in university? Or will I drown in this mudhole for eternity?
No, I don't think that time which I will be stuck will ever come. Absorption of the power of DiViNE EViL for the last resort. Out of my way, I've got a mountain to climb.
For now, the goal in my future has finally been defined.
Did I not think of that earlier? I probably didn't. Somehow my blame is always aiming towards my father, but I can't do that all the time. But my reasoning here was that even though he keeps telling me I have the choice of studying what I want, he gives the impression, or hints at, his disapproval. Knowing the indecisiveness of my character that I was, I decided to take a stab at Polytechnic life. Turned out that I really passed the days in pain. So my mind turned back to the straight and true path which is A levels. Or so I thought. Why did I not think I could turn from the right-side path to the left? I went back on the rocky middle mainstream path. Now I find the left side path is obviously the one which suits me the most. Unfortunately it's over the mountains now and I will really have to climb the mountains to get back to it, or I would be stick in this mudhole.
The only thing I was thankful of my tertiary education life, other than the good times our class had, was the piano in the hall. Thanks to Tay Yi I have actually dared to play pieces of decent difficulty, if not I would be stuck in the mudhole not knowing even where to go. At least I still have decent contacts in the left lane, which might just be able to pull me back on track. Unfortunately I have already lost out quite a bit, and in this age, time is everything.
If I had not known earlier, I would be what I could have been. Now I have to find a way out of the mudhole first. Can I clamber out via somehow studying music during my two years serving national service? Can I escape via some other course which I can somehow miraculously enter in university? Or will I drown in this mudhole for eternity?
No, I don't think that time which I will be stuck will ever come. Absorption of the power of DiViNE EViL for the last resort. Out of my way, I've got a mountain to climb.
For now, the goal in my future has finally been defined.
